I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
