Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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