i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Randomize
