I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize