i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize