Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
