So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
