Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Randomize
