I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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