Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
