Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
