She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
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