New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Barsexuality is the new black.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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