I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
