we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Randomize
