yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
