Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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