Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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