I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
