i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
