break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Do you still have your period?
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
