She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
