Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
