so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
