This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
