Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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