guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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