My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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