Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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