if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
