Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Is it penis luge time yet?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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