Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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