The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
