3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
