apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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