Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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