I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
