I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
