some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
