she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
