hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
