Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
