so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
