so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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