I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
We don't watch enough power rangers
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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