I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
