yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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