my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
