benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
