Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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