he wants to bone in the snuggie
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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