Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
