i think my mom watched the whole time
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
So vagazzling was a success
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
