someone threw a dead crab at me
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
