Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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