I cut my penus on the lid.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
my being single is dangerous.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
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