So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize