i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Randomize