He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
