You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Mom said you looked used
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Randomize
