she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
