Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
